Here is the video everyone and their moms has already seen:

Dis gonn be good.

Aptly titled ‘Mikey Arroyo on media suicide with Igan & Winnie Monsod,’ this little gem of schadenfreude has freely circulated the intartubes since it first aired at GMA 7’s morning news bit some time last week.

Avert your eyes, here be spoilers:  the whole video covers what we can only assume to be the Presidential son’s most excruciating 15 minutes of his life. Because this was taped live, most of us were either still in dreamland or fixing our first cup of morning coffee while Mareng Winnie Monsod was grilling Mikeyboy like a prime piece of steak over his unexplained wealth.

Highlights of the video show:

• the glorious moment where Mareng Winnie says ‘No, Mikey, no!’ in reference to the good Congressman, in what we can only imagine is the same way she speaks to her incontinent dog.
• Close-ups of Mikey Arroyo’s face. Note the forced smile/ death grimace when faced with Mareng Winnie’s mathematics. Watch this video in high definition to see the beads of sweat on Mikey’s brow. Also marvel at the miracles of genetics.

It runs in the family.
• Igan turning into a stone frog on national TV!
• The good congressman desparately clutching at the skirts of his lawyers.
• Mareng Winnie showing off her gigantic iron huevos near the end of the video.

Mareng Winnie may or may not be the Arroyo apologist some people say she is, but this video makes one thing absolutely clear:  Mareng Winnie is the Philippines’ Clint Eastwood.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

If you’re scheduled for an interview and you find out it’s Mareng Winnie who will be firing questions, you make your arrangements and get out of the country (this is probably what Mikey Arroyo’s lawyers did). When Mareng Winnie says you should use Ariel when doing your laundry, you burn all the cartons of Tide you have been misled into buying.

I hear she teaches mean University-level economics too.

Let’s see:

Bataan Nuclear Power Plant

Pros-– possibly cheaper electric bills, fairly reliable energy source, the illusion of Philippine industrialization bypassing the fact that we have no steel mills of our own and can not even produce a safety pin or a nail that we can proudly say is ‘made in the Philippines.’

Cons– the power plant itself is smack right on top of a fault line –no, wait. As the distinguished gentleman from… Fuck it, it was Cojuangco of Hacienda Luisita infamy who said the fault line was to the north of the power plant.

Yeah, like fault lines stop midway. Or that a fault line shift won’t affect the power plant. Plus the power plant lies at the foot of a dormant volcano. The same way Pinatubo was said to be dormant. Simple mathematics time.

Power plant + technological glitch (likely?) + human error (very likely) = catastrophe or Chernobyl proportions

Dormant volcano in the Philippines = Philippines in the Pacific ring of fire = possible Pinatubo

Pinatubo explosion = Chernobyl x10

So … Bataan Nuclear Power Plant + technological glitch + human error + a shift in the fault line + volcano in the pacific ring of fire = aglihaghagkaghil;agiajiaghagiawe

CARPER (Comprehensive Agrarian Reform Program Extension with Reforms)

Pros– a 5-year extension of the 22-year old CARP which promised to give lands to the tillers, or at least to alleviate abject poverty of the farm workers of the country (70% of which make up our population)

Cons– 22 years, man. 22 years under CARP and we still get traffic in the Quezon City Circle because of the farmers picketing at the Department of Agrarian Reform almost every week.

22 years of that means CARP isn’t working for them. A country of 80% farm lands that imports rice from abroad? That’s fucking crazy. By what leap of logic do we think five more years of that is going to do anything?

Right of Reply

[This section has been censored by the aforementioned Republic Act. Remain calm and carry on. There is no war in Basing-se.]

Elementary english taught us about antonyms. If ‘pro’ is the opposite of ‘con,’ progress must be the opposite of…

–PreMadonna

From the Department of Stale News and Current Affairs, it seems another senator has taken up the mantle to protect the dignity of fellow Filipinos and the motherland. Whether or not we want him to.

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What is a man? If you answered ‘a miserable pile of secrets,’ then you are a bigger geek than we are and you need to get out of 1994.

But if you have been following the drama over at Tunay na Lalake, you’ll know it takes all sorts to make a real man.

The drama is believed to have started over at facebook, where men who like men accused the ‘real’ men of sexist macho shit.

The ‘real’ men retaliated by claiming that men who like men simply do not understand real men.

This, of course, is like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. Or waving a [insert sex organ] in front of [insert gender demographic corresponding to the aforementioned sex organ for maximum sexist joke].

Meanwhile, women, real or otherwise, remain unimpressed.

–premadonna (not a real man)