Let it not be said that the men and women of the Armed Forces of the Philippines do not try their best to make lemonade from lemons. In the proverbial sidewalk of life, these guys squeeze every bit of juice and pulp to put in their lemonade. Which doesn’t quite mean that they cannot be kicked to the curb by big bullies.

Great effort does not always mean great success, as these formerly top secret weapons will show.

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90% of our cops can’t shoot

The National Police Commission has announced that 90% of our Philippine National Police cannot shoot straight, and do not even know how to maintain their guns.


And that isn’t really surprising, since 90% of our encounters with the police does not involve running gun battles and bitter house-to-house fighting.

I mean, it’s pretty unrealistic for us to expect them to be expert marksmen when they’re already busy being assholes, extorting grease money from people, and acting like they own the road. Getting in some shooting time at the range is close to impossible with the schedules they keep.

"I simply can't..."

"I simply can't..."

And it isn’t just the schedule, either. We are a cash-strapped nation, and the PNP has to set its priorities. If we spent our money on training rounds, we’d never get any junketing done.

Daniel Smith’s acquittal: a step forward for female immigrants

and justice for all

and justice for all

Convicted rapist Daniel Smith’s acquittal by the Court of Appeals may be a bitter pill for rape victims and feminists to swallow, but it is a windfall for all women who want green cards and eventual citizenship papers.

This is an entirely new avenue for those frustrated with those snooty people at the US Embassy who look down on potential immigrants with disdain and a quite literal fuck you to stringent US immigration laws.

With the Balikatan military exercises pretty much as regular as Christmas, the Filipino dream of becoming an American is now within reach of a shitload of cocktails and an actual cock.

Dick Gordon: The Medium Is The Message


We cannot deny that Sen. Richard Gordon has done monumental things in developing Philippine tourism. His “Wow,Philippines!” and the miracle that is the Subic Bay Metropolitan Authority will forever be his legacy.

Extending the “Wow!” campaign for cheap mileage by subtly putting it on Red Cross vehicles, though, makes Gordon just about as petty as your basic Barangay Captain who puts his name on Barangay patrol multi-cabs and tricycles that don’t belong to him.

With this  (probably) unintended consequence: because the Red Cross is usually dispatched to calamity areas and war zones, the general message seems to be “Wow! A disaster involving horrible loss of life!”

It isn’t so much that the Red Cross cares, the hidden political ad suggests, but because calamities are incredibly exciting.

WTF, dude?


[UPDATE: Cat-killer Candare has been found guilty of cruelty to animals. He has to pay a 2,000-peso fine and do community service.]

Humor aside, what kind of sick fuck kills cats for fun, and then, because people got pissed off about it, says they wouldn’t do it again “for at least a month”?

Why, Joseph Carlo Candare, apparently.

I mean, come on, we’re hardly the first people to hug trees and participate in Earth Hour, but, come on. Dude didn’t even do it with a gun or whatever, he just threw it in the air and stomped on it.

Unluckily for you, Joseph Carlo–or John Conrad, as you sometimes style yourself– Candare, someone saw you and your blog post about it, and goddamn, the Internet doesn’t forget. I’m still living down a sad fan page I made on geocities in 1997, and rest assured, this is going on your permanent record, Joseph Carlo Candare of the University of the Philippines.

Nobody, not even your two boyfriends can stop the shit storm you’ve called down on yourself.

Not even them.

Not even them.

CSI: Manila

While at university, and at the peak of the popularity of CSI:[insert hip city,] we wrote a script for a CSI: Manila that went roughly:





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Old-school politicians crash new left-wing party


Left-wing party list groups launched the Makabayang Koalisyon ng Mamamayan (Makabayan) yesterday, a party for “the politics of genuine change…politikang mula sa masa [politics of the masses.]”

The event was marked by the attendance of such non-traditional politicians as Senators Manuel Roxas, Maria Ana Madrigal (the senator formerly known as Jamby) and Francis Pangilinan, as well as Pangasinan Rep. Jose De Venecia, Jr.

Also in attendance was Gina De Venecia, who, while not a politician per se, is married to one, and is planning to run for office in 2010.

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Richard Gutierrez, a bit of a douche

Richard Gutierrez, in a dick move, recently filed a P25-million libel case against showbiz blog Philippine Entertainment Portal for some bit of gossip about an alleged confrontation between him and Michael Flores (who is probably also famous) where he supposedly pulled out a gun.

Which is fine. The law, in all its majesty, allows the richest of us to seek redress from those who have injured us.

It does not, however, allow us to use the court system as some sort of avenue for an inquisition (not expressly, anyway.) Which is what this seems to be, considering what he had to say about it:

“We just want to get to the bottom of this and we want to find out the truth kung sino’ng tao ang nasa likod nito [who were the people behind this]”

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