People of the press love raffles, and why not?

We may never become the people we cover, but at least there’s a way for us to (arguably) legitimately get some of their spoils. The rationale/justification being it’s not a pay off if everyone has an equal chance at winning. And given how much we make, even just a goody bag stuffed with imported chocolates  is pretty rich stuff.

And that  is why a reporter for Monthly Magazine* was pissed off at an anniversary party for a regional airline. At the end of the party, the airline raffled off an all-expenses-paid trip for two to Bangkok** as a grand prize.

The douche bag emcee hosting the party, and reportedly sleeping with the a top executive of that airline, picked the winning entry out of a hat (we assume) and said:

“And the winner is, from Monthly Magazine…

…Emcee’s Random Friend who does not work for Monthly Magazine!”

Cue feigned surprise (or actual surprise for the hack of a broadsheet known for its gripping and comprehensive coverage of job vacancies and second-hand cars who suddenly found out she worked at Monthly Magazine) and the hateful death stares of every other reporter, advertising executive, and decent human being at the hotel where the party was held.

Sources say the douche bag emcee does this all the time, doling out raffle prizes and other swag to members of his media mafia, whom we shall call Team Yuck. Members of the team lap it up, of course, and treat the douche bag emcee like he’s some sort of Supremo or whatever.

"Who, me? Not me! (Then, who?)"

Team Yuck’s fawning and their ability to say “fuck you” to both the art of writing and to integrity gets them more gifts, strings, and stints with up-market magazines and newspaper sections.

There is, after all, nobody better fed than a well-behaved and obedient dog.

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*Not, obviously, the actual title of the magazine because that would just be lazy.

** Actually, its proper name is Krungthep Maha Nakorn, Amarn Rattanakosindra, Mahindrayudhya, Mahadilokpop Noparatana Rajdhani Mahasathan, Amorn Piman Avatarn Satit, Sakkatultiya Vishnukarn Prasit.