A suave casanova in Bayombong, Nueve Vizcaya has been arrested for blackmailing an ex-girlfriend with nude photos in exchange for sex.

Which is, I guess, understandable. When you’re a 38-year-old nursing student whose wife is in Canada, the last thing you need is to have to deal with the drama of breakups, pity sex, or, you know, trying to win your ex-mistress back. It’s not like your life isn’t hard enough already.

Roma...Gago, Gago.

The suspect, Orlando “Jojo” Laya, was caught in a sting operation by Nueva Vizcaya police, so it’s pretty safe and marginally clever to say that he was caught with his pants down.

In other ex-related news, a high school sophomore in Lipa City was stabbed in the chest and stomach by her ex-boyfriend with what ABS-CBNNews.com calls “a balisong or butterly knife.”

One of these is Exhibit A

The suspect, John Ryan Mariño, a computer engineering student and aspiring Iron Chef, said that he stabbed his ex out of rage, and not, as some might think, in a desperate attempt to get her to fall in love with him again.

“Nagawa ko yon kasi sa sobrang galit dahil inilaglag nya ako (I did it because I was so angry that she left me),” he said.

The victim, a minor, was not available for comment due to the inconvenience of being stabbed in the gut, but the relationship is likely over for good.