Enrile readies for failure of elections

Hello, Johnny, our old friend.

Why, hello!

Why, hello!

While we were sleeping, Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile proposed legislation to authorize Congress to elect an interim president in case of a failure in the 2010 elections.

You see, the election will happen on May 10, 2010 and you will know already if there was a failure of election. So between May 10 to June 30, Congress must elect whoever will become the head of the government temporarily until a new election is called.

The alternative, he said, would be the military and police taking over in a power vacuum. So, in case our P7-plus billion automated election system fails, we can look forward to either martial law, or some dude from the administration ruling indefinitely.

As one of our readers once said, “why afraid?”

Is this a cake or a cock?

Uh, does anyone else think that this ad for Red Ribbon’s Choc-O-Nut Roll looks like something else?

*cue awkward silence*

*cue awkward silence*

Their description doesn’t help things, either:

Classic soft white chiffon with rich creamy icing made even more tempting with lavish sprinkling of chocolate bits and crushed nuts.

Well, alright, the  ” soft white”  part, not so much.  But rich and creamy? Bits? Nuts? Anyone?

Dirty Winnie

Here is the video everyone and their moms has already seen:

Dis gonn be good.

Aptly titled ‘Mikey Arroyo on media suicide with Igan & Winnie Monsod,’ this little gem of schadenfreude has freely circulated the intartubes since it first aired at GMA 7’s morning news bit some time last week.

Avert your eyes, here be spoilers:  the whole video covers what we can only assume to be the Presidential son’s most excruciating 15 minutes of his life. Because this was taped live, most of us were either still in dreamland or fixing our first cup of morning coffee while Mareng Winnie Monsod was grilling Mikeyboy like a prime piece of steak over his unexplained wealth.

Highlights of the video show:

  • the glorious moment where Mareng Winnie says ‘No, Mikey, no!’ in reference to the good Congressman, in what we can only imagine is the same way she speaks to her incontinent dog.
  • Close-ups of Mikey Arroyo’s face. Note the forced smile/ death grimace when faced with Mareng Winnie’s mathematics. Watch this video in high definition to see the beads of sweat on Mikey’s brow. Also marvel at the miracles of genetics.
    It runs in the family.

  • Igan turning into a stone frog on national TV!
  • The good congressman desparately clutching at the skirts of his lawyers.
  • Mareng Winnie showing off her gigantic iron huevos near the end of the video.

Mareng Winnie may or may not be the Arroyo apologist some people say she is, but this video makes one thing absolutely clear:  Mareng Winnie is the Philippines’ Clint Eastwood.

Do you feel lucky, punk?

If you’re scheduled for an interview and you find out it’s Mareng Winnie who will be firing questions, you make your arrangements and get out of the country (this is probably what Mikey Arroyo’s lawyers did). When Mareng Winnie says you should use Ariel when doing your laundry, you burn all the cartons of Tide you have been misled into buying.

I hear she teaches mean University-level economics too.


Inter-bank Robbery

Hey, Bank of the Philippine Islands and Metrobank! Not to be miserly or anything, but the P100 service charge you take from my account for a P200 withdrawal better include some sort of sensual massage.

Unless you have tiny mice who run at supersonic speed to get my money from the bank where I actually keep my money, and then just as quickly run back to give me the cash, I don’t see what service I’m paying for. The service of being robbed by a faceless corporate entity, probably.

Martial Law Legacy

Who better to lead the country after 2010 than someone with a mandate for greatness in his blood? Who better to say that yes, the Philippines can be great again? Who can command the devotion and loyalty of entire provinces based merely on his political pedigree?

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