Here’s an old clip from Sidetracked, a segment on TV5’s The Evening News (TEN), that mentioned Indolent Indio alongside actual A-listers like future Assistant Secretary Manuel Quezon III and journalist Ding Gagelonia (who has since passed). We were the youngest and least-known and the only website still blogging. MLQ3 still blogs but he is also a government official, so…we are half right.
TEN, not a blog, has also stopped airing.
I guess we have trouble moving on and stuff.
The Philippines, ever hungry for world fame (and also ever hungry), seems to have gone a little crocodile-crazy ever since Lolong, a giant one-ton crocodile, was caught  in Agusan Del Sur in September.
"I love you, man." (showbiznest.blogspot.com)
Lolong was in the running to get into the Guinness World Book of Records for a while, and from wildlife officers for a lot longer. He was even given a theme song for some reason: Inner Circle’s “Sweat (A La La La La Long)”. Presumably, it will serve as a musical cue to let the audience know he is coming, like the ticking clock in that crocodile in Peter Pan. Or, as an amusing soundtrack in case he goes on a rampage at the wildlife park where he is being kept.
Jokes about Lolong and his distant genetic cousins in government made the rounds of social networking sites and on SMS for a while, too.
But sometimes, and by that we mean almost always, we tend to overdo things just a smidge.
Consider the crocodile lechon:
I mean, come on, guys... (Bboi Ngojo/Manila Bulletin)
According to a blurb on the Manila Bulletin website (whose pictures only come in two sizes: thumbnail and thumbnail), crocodile lechon is an attraction/viand at the Crocodile Park in Davao. Â “Filipino gourmets say more spices are used to make the exotic food, which is said to have less calories and is, more tender and tastier,” it said.
There are times when you just have to pause and consider how brutal mankind has been to nature. This crocodile, basically unevolved since prehistoric times, was captured and kept as some sort of freak show attraction until he died (or was killed). Instead of letting nature take its course by letting his brother crocodiles eat him as prescribed in the Crocodile Book of the Dead, he is spitted, roasted and served to evolved monkey humans who do not really want to eat it. And, they put a watermelon in his mouth to mock the fact that he will never hunt for meat again. Fuck you, crocodile!
Crocodiles are not without their defenders, though. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want Lolong and his kind let loose into the rivers and tributaries of Mindanao, their natural habitat. Incidentally, those rivers are found in Mindanao, the natural habitat of Mindanaoans. Lolong was himself captured after a fisherman was attacked by a giant crocodile.
And, also…
The commenter was, of course, referring to Section nothing Act nothing of the 1987 Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines.  Serves you right for not sending representatives to the Constitutional Convention, crocodiles! And maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to abstain from voting on the plebiscite after all.
[EDIT: A video just because we can!]
Guys. We get it. Planking is the protest action du jour, especially after Quezon City Representative Winston Castelo proposed a controversial and draconian law to penalize planking on the streets during protest rallies.
As predicted, though, Filipinos took an Internet meme, hyped it up, then beat that dead horse until it could not possibly get any more dead without turning into a zombie metaphorical horse that is then shot in the head.
Sometimes, as with this group of fisher folk protesting the creation of the Aurora Pacific Economic Zone (APECO), Filipinos tend to take things overboard.
Did you see what we did there? Overboard? Eh? Eh? (bulatlat.com)
I hate to be a spoilsport, two dudes in the water, but planking in the sea is called floating. Possibly, snorkeling. That doesn’t even follow the concept of the meme, strictly speaking. Â Planking is supposed to be done in places where people are not likely to be lying face down and stiff as a board. What those guys are doing is called sunbathing in most places.
Not to belittle the gripes of Aurora residents against APECO or anything. Those guys have legitimate complaints. They say construction of APECO has destroyed mangroves where the fish they catch live, and has caused flooding in the area. Using a tired old Internet meme to get those issues across trivializes the whole thing, though.
The Senate hearing this week on P660 million in loans that the Development Bank of the Philippines granted businessman Roberto Ongpin was a doozy.
The ABS-CBN News Channel broadcast the hearings live for a while but gave up when viewers began zoning out during the discussion on behest loans and stocks and banking principles that lasted for hours.
Even the news websites, usually on fire with breaking news whenever the Senate holds hearings, were oddly silent.
Reporters and editors either found the story too boring or too confusing for blow-by-blow accounts.
Behind the scenes, though, things were slightly more exciting. Two independent sources told Indolent Indio that a reporter not usually assigned to the Senate was there for the hearing.
The reporter was not there to cover the hearing. He was there to make sure it was covered right. And by right, we mean, the way the reporter’s principal wanted it covered.
The reporter is said to have gone the rounds of the Senate press office to offer his colleagues money in exchange for making it look like Ongpin engaged in insider trading and in bypassing the DBP’s rules on loan applications.
We do not know if Ongpin, former President Ferdinand Marcos’s old crony and trusted adviser, was shown preferential treatment by the DBP through loans that were processed and released within two weeks after they were filed.
We do know that somebody wants the public to think so.
The reporter, our sources say, is from a broadsheet with an office in the port area. Hypocritically (but not ironically), he usually files stories from a government branch charged with being fair and impartial.
We’re not ones to judge, but reporting and PR work should not go hand in hand.
Granted, Ongpin got rich by pandering to Marcos while he was trade secretary of the Marcos and Pals Club, but nailing him with unproven allegations is no way to bring him before the bar of justice. Which, incidentally, is where Rascally Reporter can usually be found.
Although not quite as rich, it seems employees of this US-based banking firm have learned to party like bankers from the 1980s.
According to our sources, these hotshot bankers held one of their “team-building” activities at a hotel in Manila and left the place in shambles. Not content with smoking on a non-smoking floor, they also peed all over the rented function room and covered the floor in multi-colored vomit.
It is not known if they also did coke lines on the backs of Pasay City prostitutes but once you cross the line and pee in the same room that you are having drinks in, all bets are off. To be fair, some of them did try to make it to the toilets. They just forgot to hold their pee until they got there.
Hang on, those guys aren't bankers!
No, the dudes in that picture are not bankers. And neither were the employees of that multi-national banking corporation, strictly speaking. Answering phones and doing back-end technical support for the banking industry does not make you a banker. It only makes you cheap labor. Acting otherwise and giving service staff a hard time makes you even cheaper.
This online editor better start thinking real quick and stop clicking Like buttons on Facebook.
Why?
Two staff members are about to hit send buttons on emails indicating their resignations.
This after only working six months or so for the news website that he supposedly heads.
What could be wrong in the office? Is it because the editor-in-chief is an award-winning journalist and is always willing to tell everyone about it? Or is it because the boss doesn’t make any mistakes at all, despite questionable news judgment?
No one knows. And apparently, no one cares, not even the top brass.
As a result, more than 40 or so employees have resigned in the past two years–a figure enough to fill up the current staff.
Exodus! Movement of Jah people!
Among those who left are two who have defected to another network, one who turned NGO, and one assistant who supposedly ran away with money. How much? Again, no one knows.
But one thing is clear: the company certainly wrote 30–or is it 20?–to that.
DPWH official photo
After Typhoon Pedring kicked Manila’s ass earlier this week, the Department of Public Works and Highways was quick to get out in the field and check damage to the sea wall along Roxas Boulevard. They were also apparently quick to fire up their Photoshop for a sloppily-done PR photo showing their officials at the site.
We cannot blame them, however. These are modern times, and sometimes pictures need to be touched up a little. The photo was, after all, supposed to show DPWH officials at work. One of them apparently did not get the memo and let his girlfriend tag along for a romantic date along Manila Bay.
Clearly, there was a breach of protocol
The DPWH was quick to pull down the picture once the public got wind of the attempt to cover up the affair, however, and the DPWH official has since broken things off with his girlfriend. The decision came after an emergency meeting at a DPWH secret base built during Martial Law, when then President Ferdinand Marcos feared a Chinese Communist takeover of the Philippines.
The DPWH base, since removed from all maps, was meant as a remote nerve center for the government should Malacanang ever fall. A source at the DPWH sent us this leaked photo of the meeting:
Also in picture: Ferdinand Marcos Clone 7562-A5
Indolent reader Abner sends us this dispatch from the frontlines:
War...War never changes...
Felicity Merriman gives our Public Works officials an unintentionally creepy vibe
Stranger danger!
[UPDATE: My God. I wish I could photoshop myself back in time. We saw the pic and had a photoshopped image ready a day before that other dude blogged about it. Ah, well. Nothing ventured, nothing at all. ]
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Also, a fun exploitable photo for Indolent readers!
Come on! Vamanos, everybody! Let's go
Where will our Public Works officials turn up next? Send us your shopped pics at indolentry at indolentindio dot com or onetamad at indolentindio dot com!
(Thx, M and the Indolent Photoshop Department!)
Twitter is a great tool for keeping tabs on your friends and on things that interest you. It is also a great tool for being a tool.
Like so:
Blacked out her name because she's clearly a minor whose identity should be protected. At least we hope she is a minor.
Now, the UP College Admission Test (UPCAT) is sort of a big deal for many high school seniors, and the pressure of getting in is too much for some people. Still, that is a weak excuse for indulging in some of the most ill-informed sour graping in the history of talking shit.
Actually, @N___________, Republic Act 9500 or the University of the Philippines Charter of 2008 says passing the UPCAT does mean UP students can use your taxes. So does Republic Act 10147 and probably every General Appropriations Act passed since UP became a state school. Shit, government subsidy to UP even predates the Republic probably. More than enough time for you to understand that state schools are paid for, in part, by taxes.
Unfortunately, for you, @N___________, “just because” people pass the UP Law Aptitude Exam or get into the UP College of Medicine will also mean they get to use your taxes.
She hates UP and runs over homosexuals. What a classy kid.
 Well, at least there’s that. Try not to drive through floods while doing that, though. You’re obviously even less informed than that other guy. And at least he got into UP.
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Thx for the tip, Indolent friend Mrs. Dennis, Ang Taong Lobo!
This is why we can’t have nice things like a law authorizing the government to talk to women about contraception and reproductive rights.
Says Kabataan Rep. Mong Palatino: "It's an empty house, and it's only 6pm"
No wonder reporters on the House beat have resorted to intrigues and infighting. This place is so dead two hours after the session is supposed to start, they cannot be blamed for looking for more interesting things to think about, like what that guy meant when he posted that thing on Facebook, or how many congressmen to offer PR services to while still serving as a reporter on a daily broadsheet. I mean, it’s not like there’s much else to do.
Most days, congressmen just come in for the roll call (if they bother to come at all) and then retire to the House lounge to gather their strength after the extreme effort of appearing at the House. Those that stay behind listen to debates, chatter among themselves, or play Angry Birds.
(Thx, Twitter account of Kabataan Rep. Mong Palatino!)
Indolent Indio‘s long and lazy campaign against pornography in advertising has paid off.
Our crusade against smutty Red Ribbon ads (See “Is This a Cake or a Cock?,†11 September 2009, “Is This Going To Be The Last Show?“, 10 June 2010) has resulted in a victory that is as sweet as cakes that do not look like penises.
This cake is not a lie
“Finally, I can drive down Epifanio Delos Santos Ave. without seeing a giant cock covered in frosting,” Vincent Bartolome, a totally fictitious bus driver, wrote Indolent Indio. Without huge images of cream-filled tube steaks to distract him, Bartolome says he can focus on driving safely, not overloading his bus, and giving passengers the courtesy they deserve.
Valenzuela Mayor Sherwin Gatchalian, who had a huge billboard of showing the Philippine rugby team in their underwear torn down earlier this year, was among the first to send us his congratulations. “Now, I no longer feel threatened,” he said.
John Rawlins, a black soldier in the movie Glory (1989), was overjoyed. “That’s right, Hines. Ain’t no dream. Â Go tell your folks how kingdom come in the year of jubilee! ,” he said in that scene where they marched through a town and there were no cocks nor cakes in sight.
The Red Ribbon website is now 71% porn free