Bayani Fernando, Manila’s Little Prince

parlinglot

The Best Street Ever was turned into the Best Motorcade Ever this week after the Metro Manila Development Authority decided to move their U-Turn slots without warning again.

To address the complaints of confused and irate motorists, the MMDA deployed dozens of traffic officers to stand around and wave their hands ineffectively to send the message of “fuck you, motorists.”

Bayani Fernando, MMDA chairman, believes in U-turn slots and Lee Kuan Yew’s strong-arm approach to public order. So much so that he has taken to calling the U-Turn slots LIKUAN-U in a sort of clever homage.

god damn it!

god damn it!

Fernando’s approach to traffic management however, seems to be more inspired by Saint-Exupery than anyone else,  because driving on Metro Manila’s roads now feels like this:

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You basically get to drive like a maniac  for five seconds before hitting a bottleneck because of crappy roads and/or those goddamned LIKUAN-Us.

Consider the C5-Kalayaan Ave. area,for example. You have a nice wide road that suddenly fucking branches out into more divergent paths than a Monty Banks game show.

The service lane goes to Kalayaan Ave., the center lane goes straight down to the South Luzon Expressway and four lanes are taken up by the elevated U-Turns slots.

This means that motorists lose four lanes to these concrete monstrosities that are only a good idea to the 5 people who use them everyday while everyone else gets stuck in the chaos underneath.

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