News of the abduction and rape of the daughter of an anti-drug agent rocked the country yesterday with some quarters calling for a lynching, and with both the President and the Speaker of the House calling for a revival of the death penalty. Staunch defender of women and morality Sen. Ramon Revilla, Jr., for his part, said nothing.

The Philippine National Police went the extra mile, however, and trumped the entire government by solving the case within hours of the story getting out.

They say that there was no abduction, no drugging and no rape. It was a drinking spree gone wrong is what it was. What happened was that the girl skipped school, got drunk and was brought home past curfew. The whole “I got abducted and raped by drug lords” story was just an alibi.

Congratulations, PNP, for seeing through the glaringly obvious and crudely-constructed web of lies and deceit that 13-year-old criminal mastermind was peddling. I mean that’s the only explanation that makes sense: she made it all up.

"Woo! Drinking spree!"

Yes, rather than be scolded for typical teenager behavior, she instead chose the potential destruction of her reputation and the inevitable whispering that will go on behind her back for the rest of her life. It’s totally worth the public outrage and the scrutiny of the whole nation.  Sure, her dad will blame himself for everything before embarking on an all-out war against drug cartels. But, hey, at least she gets a free pass! Am I right?

Of course, the drug syndicates have infiltrated every rung of power in the country. But we have to be “objective” about this, as the PNP reminds us. We can’t just blame the drug cartels for every bad thing that happens. It’s not like they’re criminals or anything.

or maybe...they are.

(UPDATE: Officially, the Inquirer jumped the gun and dropped the ball on the alleged kidnapping/rape. So, officially, it didn’t happen.)