Lito Lapid: Harbinger Of Doom

As you may (or not) already know, there was a coup in the Senate of the Philippines earlier this evening. Those in the media will say that they were tipped off by sources, or that someone had leaked information about the secret resolution to withdraw support from then-Senate President Manuel Villar. But, really, the first real indication that something big was up was the attendance of Senator Manuel “Lito” Lapid, Harbinger of Doom.

according to rumors, he looks like this

artist's rendition based on accounts

Lapid, former matinee idol, governor of the province of Pampanga, and now, senator of the Republic hardly ever attends plenary sessions. Some may argue that this is because he is off wasting both government funds and his electoral mandate. But what he really does is tap into the ether, much like those pre-cognitives in Minority Report in order to time his appearances for maximum effect.

Being a former action star, he has the preternatural ability to sense, well, where the action is. He therefore trumps all other senators who have to sit through rambling debates and boring public hearings just to find some issue worth raising hell about.

Being far more awesome than any other senator, with the posisble exception of Ferdinand Marcos who single-handedly defeated the Japanese occupation, Lapid is beyond debates and parliamentary inquiries. His mere presence assures that something big is about to happen.

Bad news for you, Ferdinand Magellan

Bad news for you, Ferdinand Magellan

Consider, for example, the midnight ratification of the much-criticized Japan-Philippines Economic Partnership Agreement. True, when interviewed on whether he voted for or against ratification, he couldn’t remember which way he went, but he was there.

And again today. While he wasn’t able to sign the resolution that forced Villar to resign to avoid being ousted, Lapid was there to cast his vote in favor of newly-elected Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile. He was also there to flash Enrile the thumbs-up twice, only to promptly disappear afterwards like a well-dressed Batman.

As things often (seem) to happen in threes, one has to wonder what upheaval Lito Lapid, Harbinger of Doom will appear at next. The Senate move to either block or support the charter change being cooked up at the House of Representatives, say. Or as a judge at the fourth impeachment complaint against the president. Or at the actual end times.

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