An Open Letter From The Pope

To my Philippine flock,

It is with great alarm that I write you today, on the occasion of the Church’s resumption of services, to order that an Inquisition (Spanish, or local, if costs are prohibitive) be launched in the Philippines.

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5 stock characters in Pinoy indie films

Independent films try to portray themes and stories that mainstream cinema cannot. Strippedof the artifice, sappiness (and budget) of studio-backed projects, indie films focus on telling a story without necessarily pandering to the box-office bottom line.

That being said, indie films have a tendency to seemingly be made up of th same set of characters, generally taken from Martial Law-era social realist tropes.

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4 ’90s bands you ought to love (before they die)

Aside from teaching us to love our culture, Francis M. also taught us that waiting for someone to die before showing them your love is a pretty stupid way of doing things.

With spending power now in the hands of our generation, expect an upsurge in manufactured nostalgia for anything ’90s in coming months. If the Eraserheads proved anything with their recent Final Set reunion concert, we will willingly give up our left nut  (or P3,000) for a chance to relive our youth.

Here are some bands to rediscover before every Facebook user claims to love them the most.

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Sen. Ramon Revilla, Jr. only wants to protect journalists

If you aren’t aware of the ongoing debate on the Right of Reply Bill, this will probably mean nothing to you.

On the other hand, every opportunity that our politicians take to embarrass themselves is of interest to all freedom-loving Filipinos, so you might as well read on.
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Logic, the government and you, Part One

An Inquiry Into Values

Despite numerous scandals our Fearless Leader (fearless of God, anyway,) the Arroyo administration (and sundry family members, which is sort of the same thing) has survived scandal after scandal.

The recent impeachment complaint was not the first time that charges of corruption and general assholery have been thrown at the president, and she has survived each one virtually unscathed because she has mastered the tactics of rhetoric and reprisal. (Also, possibly, a Mephistophelian deal of some sort.)

Here are some defenses that she and her lackeys have used so the next time that the government basically tells us to go fuck ourselves, we’ll at least be aware of it. Remember, knowing is half the battle. The other half mostly involves violence and pointy objects.

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Four Places That Are A Blight On Manila

“Manila, Manila/ I keep coming back to Manila” so goes the classic Hotdog song. The ’70s pop group didn’t bother specifying which parts of Manila they kept coming back to, but we are sure that they were probably thinking of the swanky parts of Escolta and Cubao, or perhaps of an idealized, romantic abstract idea of a Manila that never was. One thing is for sure, though, they didn’t mean these parts of Manila.

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Five Monsters From Shake, Rattle & Roll (That Were Just Retarded)

Since 1984, the movie franchise Shake, Rattle & Roll has tried to scare us out of our wits. Or, at least do something to get us out of our wits enough to be scared, I guess. Or, failing that, try to make us feel good for going to the movie theater to watch them. And you know what? They failed at all of those.

With the latest iteration out in 2007, Shake, Rattle & Roll has consistently failed to come up with anything scarier than the prospect of being groped in the dark by that mustachioed man beside you.

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Phrases That Have Been Used Too Often

Team [Noun]

As in: Team USA, Team Philippines, Team Bryan, Team PNP, Team Army, Team [Random Branch of Service]. Words and slogans tend to jump the shark when the government starts using them.

“no less than [optional adjective] [noun]”

As in: “Reported by no less than the Commission on Human Rights…”

In Fairview

As in: “In Fairview, ha, he’s very good,” but not as a response to being asked where one lives if one actually does lives there. Slightly more irritating than saying “in fairness” because you’re trying to be clever.

Memorandum of Agreement on Ancestral Domain

As in: Well, as in Memorandum of Agreement on Ancestral Domain.

Pa-cheeseburger ka naman

As in: “Wow, a promotion! Pa-cheeseburger ka naman.

It works just as well as pa-beer ka naman, which, often, is not at all.


Did I miss any? Feel free to add to the list by posting a comment.