The Philippines, ever hungry for world fame (and also ever hungry), seems to have gone a little crocodile-crazy ever since Lolong, a giant one-ton crocodile, was caught in Agusan Del Sur in September.
Lolong was in the running to get into the Guinness World Book of Records for a while, and from wildlife officers for a lot longer. He was even given a theme song for some reason: Inner Circle’s “Sweat (A La La La La Long)”. Presumably, it will serve as a musical cue to let the audience know he is coming, like the ticking clock in that crocodile in Peter Pan. Or, as an amusing soundtrack in case he goes on a rampage at the wildlife park where he is being kept.
Jokes about Lolong and his distant genetic cousins in government made the rounds of social networking sites and on SMS for a while, too.
But sometimes, and by that we mean almost always, we tend to overdo things just a smidge.
Consider the crocodile lechon:
According to a blurb on the Manila Bulletin website (whose pictures only come in two sizes: thumbnail and thumbnail), crocodile lechon is an attraction/viand at the Crocodile Park in Davao. “Filipino gourmets say more spices are used to make the exotic food, which is said to have less calories and is, more tender and tastier,” it said.
There are times when you just have to pause and consider how brutal mankind has been to nature. This crocodile, basically unevolved since prehistoric times, was captured and kept as some sort of freak show attraction until he died (or was killed). Instead of letting nature take its course by letting his brother crocodiles eat him as prescribed in the Crocodile Book of the Dead, he is spitted, roasted and served to evolved monkey humans who do not really want to eat it. And, they put a watermelon in his mouth to mock the fact that he will never hunt for meat again. Fuck you, crocodile!
Crocodiles are not without their defenders, though. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals want Lolong and his kind let loose into the rivers and tributaries of Mindanao, their natural habitat. Incidentally, those rivers are found in Mindanao, the natural habitat of Mindanaoans. Lolong was himself captured after a fisherman was attacked by a giant crocodile.
The commenter was, of course, referring to Section nothing Act nothing of the 1987 Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines. Serves you right for not sending representatives to the Constitutional Convention, crocodiles! And maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to abstain from voting on the plebiscite after all.
[EDIT: A video just because we can!]