Cebu: Serious Business

Sorry, wayward husbands.

Department of Health officials in Cebu say ‘lingam massages,’ basically paying a girl to grope your jiji, does not fight cancer or impotence or erectile dysfunction or anything, really.

Speaking to the Cebu City Council, DOH medical specialist Dr. Jocelyn Abellana said “definitely, it has no role in the prevention of prostatic cancer. Massage like this certainly will not help at all.”

Lingam massages are popular in the Queen City of the South and Cebu is considering either banning the service or regulating who can have their penises fondled and who they can pay to do that.

Hey, big boy...

Pangasinan: serious business

The provincial board of Pangasinan has passed–with one negative vote and two abstentions–a resolution inviting a South Korean firm to build two nuclear power plants there. Or did they?

Perhaps to cover his ass from the righteous indignation of environmentalists, provincial board member Alfonso Bince clarifies that “what we approved was basically an expression of our sense of willingness to host [the nuclear power plants], subject, however, to certain conditions.” So…


Meanwhile, board member Raul Sison explained his negative vote thus:

We should have been given enough time to study it. Because for me, when I hear the word ‘nuclear power plant’ I imagine it to be like an atomic bomb that will destroy all living things around us.

Unless he means putting up his own nuclear research facility, it’s highly unlikely that Sison will know much more about nuclear power even ‘given enough time to study it.’ After all, it’s been around since 1951, which is, incidentally, where Sison probably got that idea about atomic bombs and stuff.


When I think of the word ‘politician’, I imagine it to mean an educated, well-informed person trusted by the public to guide us towards national progress, but I guess i’m fucking wrong.

NP hits Aquino for ‘insulting Filipinos’

Patriotic Filipinos might want to get behind Nacionalista member and Iloilo vice governor Rolex Suplico who is taking Liberal presidential candidate Sen. Beningo Aquino III to task for insulting the country’s intelligence.

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Capiz: serious business


Capiz Official Seal of Quality

Capiz Province, erstwhile Aswang Capital of the Philippines, recently took offense at Malacanang for shrugging off Sen. Manuel Roxas II’s garlic-garland gimmick as nothing more than such, and for calling him “Boy Bawang” after a popular garlic-flavored corn snack.

Capiz, it turns out, is also the capital of what debate coaches and high school English teachers fear most: logical fallacies.

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