Douchebags in Flight

Wan Chai, Hong Kong

That we Filipinos see the law as something that can be bent is a given. This mentality seems to extend to other, more immutable laws, though. The law of gravity, say.

Philippine air regulations prohibit the use of mobile phones and other devices with transmitters aboard airplanes. The rationale being mobile phones could interfere with the airplane’s navigation systems and its ability to stay in the sky.

This does not seem to matter much to Filipinos, though, as demonstrated by a chorus of Nokia tones and message alert beeps that accompany Philippine flights on their final approach to any airport.

The thinking, I suppose, is that since you’re almost there anyway, a sudden burst of cellular activity won’t really matter much. No way to go but down, right?

"o, kumusta ka na? anong oras na diyan?"

"o, kumusta ka na? anong oras na diyan?"

The warning to stay buckled in until the plane comes to a complete stop is likewise treated as a friendly suggestion.  This shaves off precious seconds of deplaning time, but also increases the risk of baggage flying around.

No worries in case you get hit on the head by a suitcase, though. Medical assistance is just a call or text away.

Yes, we lost at the Philippine Blog Awards 2009.

“Mikey Arroyo, expect us.” –Anon

Presidential son and Congressman Mikey Arroyo may have bitten off more than he can chew with his recent comments regarding the proposed regulation of the intertubes.

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Atty. Romulo Macalintal, Cunning Linguist

I wanna be a National Artist too!

I wanna be a National Artist too!

Law expert Atty. Romulo Macalintal has officially joined the ranks of government apologists like House Speaker Prospero Nograles, Presidential legal adviser and zombie lord Raul Gonzalez and douchbag extraordinaire Michael Defensor by resorting to that finest of legal arguments: the ad hominem.

In a press briefing this week, Macalintal attacked Philippine media, and journalists in general, for expecting his principal, President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo to live a moral life when they themselves are corrupt.

“If we’re talking about morality, you should take a look at yourselves, at the informercials you’re running which could be violating the law,” he said, referring to pre-campaign “advocacy” ads that have been airing on the major networks (of which several were produced by government agencies.)

“If you already know it is immoral, then why advertise? Why accept the advertisement? Doesn’t that also make you immoral?,” he asked, vindicating his boss not at all.

“Who among us here is clean anyway?,” he asked, adding that journalists receive pay offs just like politicians do.

He also took a jab at American media saying, “why don’t you ask the New York Post the basis for bringing up the issue of immorality, given there are many poor Filipinos.”  What indeed?

In Defense of Carlo J.C. (J.C. stands for Jesus Christ)

God Help Us! Carlo J. Caparas has a point, or at least a talking point worth spinning into the age-old rich vs. poor rhetoric that political debate at any level always boils down to.

In a recent radio interview, Direk Carlo J., argued that other National Artists protesting his being awarded a National Artist are dry, old academics whose works are only read in college classrooms. He, on the other hand, is “a National Artist who came from the masses.”

National Artists Virgilio Almario, F. Sionil Jose and Bienvenido Lumbera should be kissing his feet, he said, because finally, there is a national artist “who the masses can identify with—someone who walks beside them, someone who can inspire them.” Inspire them to massacre people, I suppose, or to put on superhero costumes. Or maybe the object lesson is to pray to God in the face of horrible crimes. Whatever. The point is the inspiration is right there for the taking. Whereas, of course, students have to slog through novels and short stories (and go to college, I guess) before picking up some sort of lesson from these old writer guys.

And, really, that’s it isn’t it? A National Artist should be someone who embodies the culture of his people. And if we happen to appreciate fantaseryes and komiks more than we do literature and films that make us think, then Carlo J. Caparas as national artist makes total sense. In the end, the main criterion is “having made significant contributions to the development of Philippine arts.” Nobody said that it should be a development we necessarily welcome.

And come on, guys. How can anyone argue with his wife Donna Villa who said “even Jesus Christ was criticized because of his boldness to save mankind from sins”? Do you know who else has used that defense? Cebu Rep. Pablo Garcia for President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. Also, and to much less success, Jesus.

I am Jesus. Christ!

I am Jesus. Christ!

It’s the same thing with Nazis and Godwin’s Law, I guess. As the list of someone’s critics in a Catholic third world country grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Jesus approaches 1. This is M‘s Law, and marks the end of rational discussion.

Pasaway: Drug Cop’s Daughter Totally Lying About Being Kidnapped and Raped

News of the abduction and rape of the daughter of an anti-drug agent rocked the country yesterday with some quarters calling for a lynching, and with both the President and the Speaker of the House calling for a revival of the death penalty. Staunch defender of women and morality Sen. Ramon Revilla, Jr., for his part, said nothing.

The Philippine National Police went the extra mile, however, and trumped the entire government by solving the case within hours of the story getting out.

They say that there was no abduction, no drugging and no rape. It was a drinking spree gone wrong is what it was. What happened was that the girl skipped school, got drunk and was brought home past curfew. The whole “I got abducted and raped by drug lords” story was just an alibi.
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Bayani Fernando, Manila’s Little Prince


The Best Street Ever was turned into the Best Motorcade Ever this week after the Metro Manila Development Authority decided to move their U-Turn slots without warning again.

To address the complaints of confused and irate motorists, the MMDA deployed dozens of traffic officers to stand around and wave their hands ineffectively to send the message of “fuck you, motorists.”

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Holy Shit, You Guys!



In Zamboanga Del Norte, there is an actual amusement park called Gloria’s Fantasyland. Named for Pres. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo,one must suppose, since she’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me.

It’s pretty cheesy to name an amusement park after the President, but it’s a small price to pay to give kids in Mindanao a chance to forget that they live on a resource-rich island that the government has neglected for decades.

If I were a kid in Mindanao, I’d call it the Ferdinand Marcos-Erap Estrada Demo-Crazy World Of Fun if it meant getting a chance to visit what is supposedly the “biggest theme park outside of Metro Manila.”

Metro Manila Is A Theme Park

Metro Manila Is A Theme Park

There is one small hitch as Manuel Buencamino points out:

Gloria’s Fantasyland is owned by Romeo Jalosjos, a former congressman convicted of two counts of statutory rape and six counts of acts of lasciviousness against an 11-year-old girl.


Otherwise, it’s pretty cool.

Rep. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, 2nd Dist. Pampanga

Agrarian Reform Secretary and King of Valley Golf Nasser Pangandaman just confirmed that President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo will be seeking a seat on the House of Representatives in 2010.

With the entire machinery of Lakas-Kampi CMD backing her and, you know, being the fucking president of the country, you won’t need computerized elections to tell you who’ll be representing the 2nd District of Pampanga in the 15th Congress.

It's-a-me, Gloria!

It's-a-me, Gloria!

46% of the country thinks she’s a liar and a cheat, but she’ll win by a landslide in Pampanga anyway and bury her opponents, if anyone else even bothers to file for candidacy at all.

The No Elections conspiracy theorists were right after all, there won’t be any elections, not in the 2nd District of Pampanga, anyway.

Nicole Reflux

Call it Nicole Reflux–or whatever it’s called when an alleged victim of  sexual abuse does a 180 and settles out of court and gives serious bloggers an excuse to be fashionably cynical– but it’s happened again. And it couldn’t have happened to a bigger douche bag.

This guy.

This guy.

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